4 posts tagged “hbot”
so, hi!
my day is filled with boobie time, hanging with mr. pooper & diaper changes. he's up for about 10 hours of a day and if it were a full 10 hours in a row, i'd probably go insane because there is only so much you can do with a little baby. i mean, he really only cares about 3 things - my boobies, his fists & his mobile and no, i don't mean his cell phone. he's tolerating been read to & he's hating tummy time & while walks are ok, they can only last so long before it's time for another nap and GOD FORBID you be outside for nap time. my days are also filled with an anxiety about pretty much everything. am i holding him enough? too much? is he warm enough? is he still breathing? don't drop him - don't drop him - don't drop him. oh no! i have the tv on and he's in the room. etc, ad nauseum.
and that's all i have to say. that's all i talk about, think about, dream about.
here's a picture though. that's pretty cool.
holden @ 7 weeks
ok - here's something i'm sure you'd realize if you thought about it but unless you have a kid you're not going to think about it because you're you and that's all you are. that sounds incredibly INCREDIBLY gross - but that's how it is without a kid, you're you and that's all you are. with a kid you become an annoying YOU which in your mind means you deserve more than when you were just you. for example you say? i say here.
so yesterday, i took my kid to the big city. i now have to juggle him & his bag and make sure that i lose neither. so, i take the edge of a seat, with my backpack on and sit there jiggling Holden praying he doesn't cry. well, it looked like he was about to lose it so i stood up with him and bounced. apparently, i was a bad neighbor to the woman to my left and she gave me the stink eye and ANGRILY put her bag up on the seat i had vacated. since my only thought was DON'T CRY (to baby ... or both of us - who knows) i put her stink eye to the back of my mind and just bounced. finally he was all good so i decided, it'd be so nice not to have a backpack on so i set it on the seat that just had her bag on it. she sort of shoved her bag into the center of the seat with attitude so i said, "is there a problem?" she said, "WHAT?". i repeated "is there a problem?" she said, "are you gonna sit there or not?" and i said, "noooo, i'm just going to stand and put my bag next to yours. do you have a problem with that?" she said, "mind your business" so i said in my mind "fuck your shit fuck your shit fuck fuck fuck your shit" and said with my mouth "God bless you." because apparently, i am THAT passive aggressive. anyway, a stop goes by and a seat opens up somewhere else and the woman said "you can move now." and i said "oh, i'm very happy where i am." the whole time, i thought - I HAVE A BABY. BOW DOWN TO ME. LOOK! I'M MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR SAD FACE. and as i thought that, i've turned into an upper west side mom.
well, whatever. that's where i'm at ... i'll work on it.
here's a picture. he's making me this person. ha ha ha.
dear long time fans,
how is u? i'm ok. i had an 8 lbs 13 oz man child cut out of my belly. that was creepy. not creepy is my man child. he's just about the cutest thing i've seen ... maybe kittens are cuter? i don't know. here's a picture, you can tell me:
that's him at 4 weeks old. do not eat him - trust me, he doesn't taste that good. i think he needs to be cooked and seasoned.
life as a mom is not really at all what i expected. it's hard - that i expected but i never got a what's hard about it from anyone. so i'll tells u ... what's hard about it is, you have this kid and the directions you're given (the what to expect 1 year, the happiest baby on the block - what have you) are great but they don't tell you what happens for each case scenario. REALLY. there is no chapter on he's screaming and you're out of ideas and you're so tired that you think you've seen your dead grandma and your husband is that tired too and you're boobs really hurt and your hoo ha is still bleeding and you're pretty sure that the stink you smell is not a diaper it's actually you and so the words "please shut the fuck up" comes out of your mouth and you know that the police need to come take him away because YOU'VE JUST SAID FUCK AAAAAND SHUT UP TO YOUR 3 WEEK OLD BABY. sometimes, you swear at your helpless bean and no one can take that guilt away ... not even this blog, right now as i type it out. still guilt ridden. also, the weird ass scenarios of how you may hurt your child scare the shit out of you. like this "what if i suddenly start swinging him around and accidently let him go and he flies and hits the wall." WHERE DOES THAT THOUGHT COME FROM? i haven't come close to 'swinging' him around. the closest i've come is switching him from my right to left breast. WHY WOULD I THINK THAT THOUGHT? but there it is. that thought.
today a woman from the ny health department is going to come by and do a well baby check up. i'm thrilled to have someone watch me breast feed my kid. i am actually excited to have someone look at my big ass titties because i think i must be doing something wrong because my nipples, they's really hurt.
hb, my littlest man, is a delight and i'm so lucky. stan has been my savior. i honestly do not know what i would do without him. oh and you know who else? my friends. dude, not just friends - people i haven't spoken to in years are popping out of the woodwork to lend a hand or give me baby clothes or just say nice things OR GIVE ME FOOD! so much awesome.
there is no other thing in my life right now but baby and that is booooooooooooring ... really. however to make you not hate me entirely i will tell you an awesome thing i did voiceover wise - in like october? i recorded some words that are spoken by dakota fanning in the movie push to be used in the movie trailer. so every time you see the movie trailer for push, that's actually MY voice - not ms. fanning's. why you ask? me not know but me spent the money wisely.
happy new years people of the internets. i hope you're wishes come true.
