see you next time

here's the second in the very popular series - pregnant or fat?

072408_09241.jpg

this is me at 19 weeks - if you think i look fat, you are not alone.  i feel pretty fat and at least 100 ny'ers agreed and did not give up their seat this morning.

fuck you, ny'ers.  fuck.you.

Bonding with baby

miles to go before i sleep (thank god).  well, actually about 21 more weeks.  WHAT?  insane.

in other news, i miss smoking.

the thing 'they' aren't really able to express, explain or even talk about really - is the overwhelming sadness you can feel just being pregnant.  the oh holy shit, have i just given up all of my other dreams for this dream of dreams?  i think about my fledgling career and feel like once i'm back to being able to audition again, will i be able to find a sitter?  then i wonder, will i even care?  or will i stop caring until its like 10 and all i can say to it is, YOU HAVE TO DO THIS... I NEED TO SEE MY DREAMS COME TRUE.  in other words, will i be my mom?  am i being the most selfish person in the world to even have these thoughts?  ack ack ack. 

mostly though, i just think about holding my baby in my arms in this rocking chair.

Glider

oh and agents?  you could send me out now - i'm really fucking free for that.  i'd love an audition.  really!!!!  no joke. 

i will quit swearing.  maybe. 

stan is the best baby daddy to come.  he reads to my belly.  COME.ON. if that doesn't make you wanna hurl the cute, i don't know what will.

(i stole this picture from someone's blog.  thank you for finding that! someone - who i 'know' only through a pregnancy board)

you can't really tell - but this cell shot is of Ricky Gervais at the garden.  it was a blast.  louis ck opened for him and wow - dispite louis's disdain of the word hilarious - i will use it with glee to discribe him and his set. 

071408_20051.jpg

Ceilin cat sayz hai to Ernie

062208_12091.jpg

so back in march, i stopped taking the pill.  after doing extensive research (searching the internets) i saw that it would probably take me about 3 months to never to have a baby so i thought we'd just be practicing a lot to get a kid.  luckily, it took two weeks.

then around the end of march, i thought - i'm totes pregnant but since we were moving AND i wasn't late for my period, i didn't buy a test. 

then when i was about 2 weeks late for my period, i bought two tests.  i took it at work because i'm impatient.  i peed on a stick next to alexis stewart (martha's grown-up daughter).  i didn't tell her that i was doing so because i'm crazy but not in that way.  the stick whispered to me, "you're going to have a baby.  JUST LIKE MARTHA STEWART."  i instantly gtalked my husband and then sarie.  i didn't believe the first test so i took the second one about 4 hours later.  the stick didn't whisper it this time - it just said, "really? you didn't trust my brother?" 

i called my dr and made an appointment for about 2 weeks later.

one week later, i bought two more tests.  i took them.  the sticks didn't bother really talking to me.

one week after that, i went to my dr.  she was like the magic 8 ball and said "better not tell you now." apparently @ 6 weeks drs are scared to be wrong and won't say anything until you had blood test and an ultrasound.  i left and cried.

the next day, i bought two more tests.  i was still pregnant according to both of them.  the final test actually pissed back at me.  i took it as a sign.

i then found a new doctor because my old dr didn't have the nerve to tell me i was pregnant - how would she do in the delivery room when i was screaming at her for HER TO PUSH?

tomorrow, it's week 14. 

yesterday, i went to dr. brennan, the dr who has enough hutspah to let me know i was pregnant and who is unbelivably great!  if you find yourself pregnant in brooklyn, you should totally go to him.  he's awesome! and his wife, jayce, is also fantastic.  (i'm looking for my payment dr. brennan.)  where was i? oh yeah - so yesterday, i went to the dr. to get some results about whether or not my baby has a likelyhood of having downs (it's looking like i don't have to worry about it) and i got to see the wee bot again and man, i'm not really good at describing things and feelings, thus me not updating this blog ever, but seeing him/her (not shim - you're welcome, stanny!) is oh fuck it - it's indescribable.  it's seeing something that your body is making out of cells from one person and yourself which FOUR MONTHS AGO wasn't there.  it's seeing a person beginning to develop from the first picture looking like a duck to now a baby.  it looks like a baby and the head is not as big as it was so it REALLY looks REAL not velvetine.  it's hearing a heart beat and knowing that little heart will soon be in your arms and you're going to be expected to protect that heart for a good long time.  for me, it's what it feels like to actually become an adult and it feels glorious.

Baby

i am pleased to announce my pregnancy.  i'm at 11 weeks and 6 days.  stanbot and i are beyond excited.  i've actually quit smoking! and drinking!  i know.  i know.  i'm pretty shocked as well.  the baby will be here around december 19th, 2008. 

huzzah! 

i went to the bathroom at some big bookstore chain in penn station because, friends, i had ta and i waited in line for a few mins and listened to the convo going on between the two stalls.

stall 1: oh my god!  i have pee on my pants!  i have pee on my pants!

stall 2: girrrrrrrrrrrrrl

stall 1: i'm coming out.  oh, no! it's on the waist band, i'm going to smell all the way home.

stall 2: whut? ok. ok. do what u need to do.  it ain't no thing.

stall 1 comes out with her pants half way down around her knees lamenting the pee on her pants.  i go into the stall and find the shambles of what fucking women do to other women for the sake of keeping themselves sanitary. (pee all over the seat) GUESS WHAT, LADIES?  actually sitting on the fucking seat is actually more sanitary than pissing on the seat.  TRULY.  i do not lie - look it up!  pee doesn't do anything to you.  it's sterile.  really!  so, you pissing on the seat and then getting it on your waistband only hurts who?  think about it?  i wiped up your mess and got to sit down and relax. 

here.  just real quiet.  quite quiet.  like a mouse.

this spring has actually been a spring - not a from winter to summer - however, this week is signaling the end of that joy.  a girl knows, the way she knows about a good mellon.

where i live in brooklyn is a 180 from hells kitchen.  it's good and bad.  i don't miss the traffic and the drunks stumbling out of bars.  but i do miss being able to order from anywhere as opposed to our lone chinese 'restaurant' called U LIKE.  i have yet to order from there actually.  it just can't be good.  i've gotten a few racially motivated 'digs' while walking home from work.  my favorite dealt with how flat my ass is and don't know i knowthat they "like 'em big in the 'hood?"  but the money we're saving and putting toward our wedding debt is unbelievable and the light at the end of the tunnel burns brighter than in hell('s kitchen). 

life is a crap shoot people! so place your bets.

Domesticating my corner of Bed-Stuy with pansies

041908_12521.jpg

Ha!  You can see me in the background. 

Saturday was so hot and beautiful.  I got up at 9 and did laundry.  Unheard of, I know.  At the laundrymat, the pope mass was on.  I tried to read. 

I just finished:

Seeing Me Naked

It was pretty good.  I'm going to give it to Cindee.  Food Network was mentioned and since I just got cable for the first time in years, I have to say that that's pretty much all I need in a book (not true, I also need adjectives).  There are receipes at the end.  Good times!  I mean it.  This is not a true book review but more of a, hey!  guys?  I still read books.  Since moving to Bed-Stuy, I've read 6 books.  That's 6 books in 21 days and despite my new years res to read 'good for me books', I have yet to accomplish that. 

Happy Spring!